10 minutes to a lifetime

 I wish someone would pay attention to you when you were 5, about how proud you were with your drawings. 

I wish someone asked you earlier on whether you were struggling with math, and help you to get through it. You were only looking at numbers and screamed for help, but all they saw was you’re doing okay at school..

I wish they knew how it felt to be invisible among other beautiful girls in your teenage years.. it was okay, and it was hormones that popped in your skin. And that you were always pretty and neat among the other teenage girl. 

I hope someone told you how to dress and how beautiful you were in whatever you’re wearing. Really.. it wasn’t about the fashion choice, you were always beautiful. Even when someone said your knee should not be exposed because it looked ugly? Well you were and always been beautiful from head to toe.

You wore that body insecurity.. until you learnt to live with it peacefully in your own way. Such a strong girl. 

And then you realized that you wanted validation, you thought having dreams and goals were great because when you achieve them, you would get the validation you’ve always wanted. 

I saw you. Working hardly for it, from night to night. From mockings, insecurities, but you still aimed for it. You aimed for it like a shooting star. 

I remember you went home

I remember you walked inside 

I remember it was a heartbroken day

I remember you did not achieve your goal at all

It was not even close. 

Someone should’ve hugged you that day. You were crushed, someone should mend your broken pieces. But those around you were not able to - as they were unfamiliar in mending broken pieces

You went heartbroken

But still trying to forgive those who did not understand how to care for you 

Until you know it was you alone, who should be taking care of your pain. 

Since no one was telling you anything, here’s some word for you that day:

You are a very smart, brave girl, with all the qualities. Nobody got it like you. Your steps, your moves, it was all a bold one even you intimidate your surrounding with your confidence. It is very bold and everyone inside the room can feel it. 

You were never fail - you are closer to see who you are as a whole - not to impress, not needing any validation. But to come as you are, as your true self with your curiousity that shapes your natural intelligence. 

I have always loved you, for who you are. 

—

A letter for a little girl who needed it. My days has not been the easiest as I am now a mother of two, and it has always came up to my mind on why I can’t deal with failures accordingly, other than blaming myself?

Writing this letter is all I need. I wish I could hug her. 

Love,

C

Raising a warm, and lovely being.

Hard days are there to cherish - and there will be easier days after. 

Purpose

I thought I lost it when I have you. I was wrong - well some need to realize a few things, I was not totally wrong - partly wrong.

I was given a new purpose to this life by having you, without losing what I already have. It is just got bigger, heavier, and better. Every single day.

I love you,
and thank you for making me learn new things every day.


Love,
Mom.

Little Big Steps in Motherhood

"The baby's here!" the doctor said to me. It was Sunday morning when a little baby came out from me.

It was just the two of us for nearly a year, and one morning had changed the quiet home to a sweet scented corners - a baby is joining the family!

The long contractions and the sleepless nights really made me stronger than I thought I could ever be. And let me tell you - I was TERRIFIED when I listen to stories about giving birth. However when it happened to me, I did not feel like myself - the chicken who is afraid of almost anything painful. I believe God has given me the strength to take the baby out because it was his destiny to be on earth with all of us.

Me? Well.. Someone above trusted me to carry this little baby for 9 months and care for him later. I never thought I have all the strength needed.

In the early days home, I lost all my smiles and peace when this little one arrived, but the gift of being able to keep up with the baby was all provided by the Almighty.

We both learned - a lot. All I have in my mind was - we were once this little, and now I have to take care a little human, who look a lot like me but without the communication ability. We learn how each cues are different - the cries when he is hungry, tired, and bored. This moment really built up our instinct towards him, which could benefit us later in life as his parents.

At times when I was exhausted and worried about his milestone.. I almost forgot that he will grow into the person he wants to be. He will continuously learn about new things and he will be the one who decide how he will learn about things. And that has come to me realizing that I have given birth to an individual human being - and him being in my womb for 9 months teaches me that he will not be in the womb forever, and so in my arms too.

Being a mother teaches me about unconditional love.. and being a mother is not easy. I respect every women who have given birth and no matter how they teach their children, it is still an amazing job that no one else could ever have. Many mothers out there are working - staying at home - making a home business - whatever they are doing, I do believe that they all have the kind heart and sincerity in raising their children. No matter how selfish you were in your youth, having a little one will teach you that life, is not just about you.

And that's perfectly fine.

-C, 2018